Being Confused

Will is confused on who he likes....again. Now it's between three people. And I'm pretty positive he likes Brenna in the way that people will always like someone...no matter what. I have a person like that...but I'm not telling who! lol I'm teasing you peoples.

Blah!

I went to girl scout camp this weekend...and the whole time everyone was using my cell for texting because I was the only one who had service! And...and then Trish got mad at Rachel and I for not doing what we were supposed to do...and actually we were working the hardest!!!

So, I have been texting this guy named....something mexican lol I don't know how to spell it. He goes to my school but I've never met him...and he has taken a liking to me apparently even though we've never met each other before. He then said, while on the camping trip, that he wanted to try out saying something and that something was...I love you. And I don't necessarily like the dude because I don't know how he acts around other people..and I'm afraid.

Jon still likes me...and I have no idea what I'm going to do about that. And he's not going on the summer trip...thank God.

Will is going on the summer trip and I am making baked goods for the meeting at Carisse's house tomorrow to prove to him that I can bake. He's starting to get fed up of me...but I changed that...well sort of. He's also starting to tell me a lot more...like about other 8th graders. And I have no idea what has changed him...but...never mind him telling me things and changing is upsetting me...because that means somethings happened and.... Yeah, I'm just a freak!

I think this is it....

Actually it's not. My friend Rachel was going out with a guy named Stephen and they recently broke up because he was cheating on her. Rachel, Gabby, and I met him at a park the other weekend and afterwards he told all three of us that he likes Gabby and I. he also said that he doesn't want to go out with rachel anymore. rachel and Stephen were messaging on myspace that night and made an arrangement to be friends with benefits...Stephen was also texting me at the time and asked me to go to the park with him...alone. I didn't go and he probaly doesn't like me anymore because of it and I don't care. Apparently, Rachel and him aren't friends with benefits anymore but I don't believe it and I'm pissed at her for being in that arrangement.

I might go over to Rachel's house tomorrow to go to the park and meet...the mexican dude lol I can't spell his name. But I really doubt I will go over to her place because I won't have a ride there.

Fun + Boredom....Again lol

So, I'm over at my friend's house....and we are waiting to go to the park. lol

Will has officially told me that he will only like me as a friend. :( Ah...whatever I barely even like him anymore. But it still hurts....lol not really.

So, that's it.

Not Funny

Well, my friend Rachel was texting Will and she asked if he had any feelings for me and he said that he can't see me as more than a friend. :( Rachel and Gabby are now forcing me not to like him. And I think I might like a sixth grader who is now a seventh. But apparently that's unacceptable, too. Lexi is trying to find me a guy and so are Gabby and Rachel, now.

So annoying. That's all.

WAIT

Wait a minute....If Will doesn't know who he likes....then how does he know it's Brenna???? About a week ago, I asked him and he said I don't know...and just last night, he said it was Brenna....WTF???? Now I know for a fact it's not Brenna....GOD! He is such a little lier!!!!!! No wonder he didn't reply to my question last night...and now I want to kill him....why can't he just tell me?????? He is the biggest IDIOT in the whole wide WORLD!!!!!!

Nuttin'

Lol I just submitted this blog with nothing written in it. lol WOW I'm so special!

Last night, I had a crazy idea. I decided to text W the question: What are your intermost desires? He responded with I'm not telling you, my reply was I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours. So, he told me. His desires are to be with the one he truly likes and to find true love. I told him that those are my desire too, but the first one will probaly never come true and my second is to fulfill all of my dreams. We, then, went into a whole conversation about how I thought that he didn't like Brenna and he kept saying that he does. But I still don't believe him lol. Because out of everything that he has told me, it sounds like when we first started texting, he liked Brenna...but stopped liking her a while ago and is just using her as a cover because most already think that he likes her. I also have no clue as to who he really likes...but I hope to find out...unfortunately he won't tell me. :( I then asked him if he has ever lied to me and he never replied. I waited for a whole hour and he still didn't reply!!! Which makes me so mad. Because that means that he has lied to me and just doesn't want to say it.

Such a fustrating guy...but on other hands, there was a halo tournament on Sunday and I went. While there I found out that Slurpee and Trystan are ticklish. God, that's SSSSOOOO CUTE!!!!! lol I'm so special ed. I find it very cute that a guy is ticklish. :) Sometimes I just wanna squeeze their little cheeks lol they are so cute. Okay, lol I find this so funny, sorry. lol

Dallas is also refusing to set up another tournament. Why? I don't know but that makes me upset. And Daniel keeps bugging me to force her to hold another tournament....*sigh* What am I to do? Wow lol.

This is it, lol other then the fact that my mom loves riding in the little scooter thing for handicapped people at the stores....OH and I got my glasses fixed lol.

Confusing Little Girl

So....W never replied to my message...which made me kinda mad. lol So I decided to IM him on myspace and luckily for me he replies.

I asked him why he didnt reply and he said nothing. He asked if I still hated him and I said yes. I also mentioned that hating him didnt mean that i couldnt talk to him. He then replied with you are so confusing. I said that we are even then because you are also confusing. Tat was the end of our conversation because he had to go.

Lexi called him to ask why he wasn't going to the movies and he said he was busy. Lexi is now going to the movies alone. lol

That is the end of the update...OH YEAH! J asked me why Dallas and Tyler both think that he likes me and I said I don't know.

That is all.

WOW!

So, my title is WOW and that's because....W was flirting with Lexi when I was with her. And he was asking her all of the questions that he asked me...that made me so mad! and sad at the same time. Sad because I had trusted a total...flirt and mad at myself for even trusting him in the first place. So, I sent him a message:

I hate you because I hate myself for trusting you, and sorry if I'm confusing you, I'm a confusing girl.

The reason I can't believe I trusted you is because most of my friends all said that I shouldn't like you and what do you know? They were all right, And I thought you said that you weren't a player, but I guess that doesn't matter. Actually it does matter because...I trusted you....and you broke that trust, You probaly won't understand how you broke my trust...but unfortunately for you...I'm not gonna tell you, because you deserve to have something on your conscience.

I still can't believe you did that and that I trusted you. WOW! I have officially hit rock bottom. lol and don't pretend like you care...please...save me the pain.And if this all doesn't really apply to you because you really don't care...then I just made a total fool of myself...but do I care? Not really. Because you deserve to know what I think.

But I realized something...I don't need a guy to think I am pretty or smart because I am self-confident that everyone is smart and pretty and funny when they want to be.

By the way, please don't take this situation to outside of myspace lol but if I do go to the movies on Wednesday, I don't want to give Lexi any trouble. The only reason that I'm going is because I am a good friend who doesn't want Lexi to go to the movies with a guy she doesn't like more than a friend because it's gonna be awkward. Always go in twos when dealing with that type of situation. lol

Just a peice of my mind for you. :)

That's what I told him. And that's all for updates right now.

Fun, Fun, Fun + Boredom

So, this weekend is fun so far but unfortunately yesterday, since it was a half-day, I had almost absolutely nothing to do. And to top that off, my mom yelled at me when she picked me up. Why? Because she was fustrated at not being able to walk (explain in a bit), the traffic because it was graduation for the 8th graders, and because I wanted to go over to a friends. Which is totally not a reason to get mad at someone who didn't do anything! Yeah, I asked to go to my friends but that's no reason to get mad at ME. God, it made me so mad!

Now, to explain the whole not being able to walk thing. My mom broke her ankle about 2 weeks ago while she was wrestling with her newly wedded husband. At the time she didn't realize that she broke it but was forced by Cole (her new husband) to see a doctor because he was concerned about it. The doctor said that she broke and fractured her left ankle. She had to go in for surgery and now has a boot and crutches. And won't be able to go back to work for 2 more weeks which is suposed to be 2 months but my mom won't allow it.

That is it for now, except for the fact that I am currently over at my friend, Lexi's house.

SUMMER!!!

School is out and it is officially summer! WOOHO!!! lol but of course I am already stuck at home doing nothing. Well, as a matter of fact, I just came in from working out. Only my legs for now but I will work on my arms later and maybe my stomach lol.

This summer I am doing some girl scout camps, going on a 3-week roadtrip with Expeditionary Learning, having 3-day parties with friends, going to Cal Skate, working for money, hanging out, working out, taking stupid pills, going shopping, and of course reading books but most of a MANGA. This summer my goal is to read all of the series I have read, over again. Yup, a very challenging goal but I hope I can do it. I also I hope to stop cracking my knuckles too.

And that...is...just about everything...for now. lol

Front, Back, Side to Side

I'm addicted to some lyrics, not the song, just some lyrics. And unfortunately my family thinks that the sounds that I like aren't suitable for a young girl to listen to. I only listen to the beat not the lyrics and only my mom understands this, but no one else does. :(

Sorry, I haven't updated this for a while. Well, Saturday, June 6th, was my birthday and I officially turned 13. I was happy about this until later that night, I was texting W and he told me he still liked one of my best friends, B. This made me feel betrayed and heart-broken. So, I decided to skate by myself for the rest of the night because my friends were hooking up with guys and I like someone so, me hooking up with a guy when I already like someone itsn't the best idea. But, my plan got savataged when I got a blister on the inner part of my foot. I, then, decided to play DDR with one of my friends named Jenae. She got distrated by some guys who were apparently messing with her so she stopped completely which wasted my money. The guys, then, sat on my pretzel and knocked over my slushie, wasting more of my money. They even messed up my DDR game. I was so pissed that I pushed one of the guys over and then he started to cuss at me. :( It wasn't very fun. So, for the rest of the night, I sat at a candy vending machine thing and collected candy, which my friends gladly ate even though I was crying.
IT WAS PROBALY THE WORST BIRTHDAY.......EVER!!!!!!!!!

Now, onto other things. Monday, or was it Tuesday, I forget, but one of those days, W asked my best friend to the 8th grade dance. She said that she would like to only be friends. B told me what happened and I told her about my birthday. I don't really think that she thought kindly of W after that. He's a nice, sweet, caring person, just he was being a total asshole.

I asked him why he lied to me and he said he didn't lie to me. I gave him advice and he told me that he was an asshole and doesn't deserve me as a friend. I ask him to sign my yearbook and he asks me to sign his. He wrote something so nice and long while I wrote I would miss him.

I felt so happy after I read what he wrote, but also sad and mad at myself that I didn't write something more.

My friend even put a heart around him in my yearbook! Not very cool, the whole time he had my yearbook I was afraid he would see it, even though he already knows that I like him. It would just be really really embarrasing especially if he asked about it and I had to explain.

On to other topics, a guy I met at camp last year decided to text me again. He then confessed to me saying that he has loved me since last year. I asked him why he didn't say anything sooner and he said that his friend was always around. I told him that I didn't like him and he calls me sexy in return. Everytime he would start texting me, he would say hey sexy. And god it made me feel so uncomfortable and awkward and it felt like he was stalking me!!!! I asked W what I should do about it and he said I shouold tell a parent. I told him my mom would freak and wouldn'tt let me use my cell anymore while I already told my dad and he said to ignore him. W then suggested getting a parent to talk to him. So, I told him that my dad read my messages and told me that I wasn't able to text or see or talk to him again. Which worked!!! Now he doesn't text me or call me or message me on facebook!!!! I'm so happy!

Today, I brought 16 Sharpies to school and none of them got taken away!! Which made me even happier!!!

And now I'm sad again because I won't be able to see W next school year. But I'm happy again because I can see him for 3 whole weeks during summer vacation!!!!! YAY!!!! :)

Okay, I think I'm finished. lol

Life and It's Pains

My mom, right now, is in her kitchen and is crying because I won't tell her anything anymore. Just like she will never tell me anything anymore. It's a very long story, but I have time lol.

Well, I have never really been able to tell my mom how I feel or my opinions because whenever I do, she gets mad for some reason and yells at me. So, it came no surprise to me that I would have to stop completely telling her things. The only people in my family that I trusted up until a few monthes ago was my aunt, dad, and grandma. My aunt proved to be untrustworthy when I told her something about the wedding when I should've. My aunt, then, told me mom about it, which made her decision not to tell me anything anymore. So, bye-bye trust for my aunt. Whenever I tell me dad something, he always thinks it's a good idea to be the hero and try and help something, which never really helps, but only makes worse. He confronts my mom about everything which helps my mom conclude that I am telling my dad things. Bye-bye trust for my dad, even though I still tell him things. My grandma I can still relatively trust, even though she does mention things to my mom.

I still see no reason for my mom to be crying because she is the one who brought this all upon her. If only she could understand my opinions and feelings and accept them without throwing a fit. Everything would be fine.

Premonitions

I'm a really superstitious girl in the way I think. Lately, I've taken a liking to "knocking on wood." For some reason, it actually seems to be working, so I'm gonna stick to it lol. I also am into things like color meanings, astrology, and premonitions. I don't think of going out to seek a palm-reader is necessarily me, but when having a strong feeling about someone or something means something to me. Like earlier today, when I was in the shower, I kind of fell out of the shower and saw a picture in my mind; like I was seeing into the future.In this vision or, as I call it, premonition, I found myself being all dressed up to go to a blind date that my friend set up. And it turns out, that the blind date was actually W and he knew my friend was setting this up. Apparently, in my premonition, W had loved me since middle and never fully got over him just as I had with him. And that was the end of the premonition, I saw him, freaked, ran to the bathroom, and explained to my friend.

I had another around the same time. This one had W and his friend in it. W was explaining to his friend that he loved me, but couldn't let me know because we were going to different high schools ad he didn't want me to suffer becuase of this. This was basically it for the second. Nothing very interesting lol.

Attempt

So, I attempted to ask W who he likes. Which didn't go so well because he has no clue who he likes. This kinda blew all of the questions I was gonna ask. lol He is such a confusing guy. I know that I have said that already but it's true. I can not understand him at all. It's like...we are from different planets. All in all, it doesn't really matter because I like him for who he is and not for anything like popularity or looks or how many times he's been out with a girl. I think, I like the most for being able to make me laugh even though I've been crying. The only other person I know who can do that is my dad. My mom always says that that quality in a guy is probaly the most important.

omg so sorry

I haven't been able to post in a while and I feel so bad. Well, let me tell you about W. In the last week, he has told me that he was confused about liking me or not, then he said he liked me and just last night he told me that we are just friends. He is such a confusing guy. I don't get him at all. And right now, all I can think about is him, which isn't fair because he is going to high school after June 12th. And I won't be able to see him for like ever. And he isn't even really texting me or talking to me. I even made a complete fool of myself last night. Which isn't good. :( I just feel.....like a complete idiot for not noticing sooner. He either completely doesn't like me at all or he is just refusing the idea of liking me because we won't be able to see each other. BTW-to fill you in, he's an 8th grader and I'm a 7th, which means that he is graduating this year and to make it worse, we aren't going to the same high schools. And maybe my resoning is completely wrong, but I really don't know anymore.

This week we are going on a three-day trip to Pomo Canyon or the graduating ceremony. On Friday, when we get back, I am picking up my friends Gabby, Ally, and Jordan. So that we can have our usual three-day weekend party. Friday night, from 7-11 pm, all four of us are going to Cal Skate. Saturday from 10-3 pm I am having an almost 25 person party, all girls no guys invited lol. Because I am turning 13 on June 6th at 6:24 pm. From 7-11 pm again I might be going to Cal Skate lol. And Sunday, I really don't know we might go to the movies and have a rampage or go to Scandia or something like that lol. Monday, our rocketry project is due. And right after school, I am playing soccer with a few friends at A park. Tuesday, I am having a Halo Tournament with some friends over at J's house, go figure lol. ANd that doesn't end 'til 6:30 pm. Wednesday, I hink is one of the only free days I have in the next couple of weeks. The three-day party might end a little soon because Gabby and I have the stupid rocketry project. Thursday, I have Girl Scouts after school and that doesn't end 'til 5:00 pm. Friday, I don't know what I'm doing, but since it is a half day, I might be hanging out with friends and walk some place.

So, moving on, let's talk about J. Well, Saturday he decided to show up at Cal SKate when I was there. This is all thanks to Lexi because she is the one who invited him pretending to be me. And I didn't want him to come. So, the whole time he acted like a loner and I couldn't really do anything about it because I was skating with Ariel my friend's cousin. SO, then Lexi forced me to skate and be around him. Which didn't go so well, because I was pissed off at Lexi. I confronted her and she said that it would be a good idea to not like W and to force myself to like J. Which can and will not happen because I like W. I told her that and she got all mad and felt really really badly afterwards. But there was nothing I could do about it because J was already that. RIght then, J's dad called him and told him that he as on his way because J had to go home. I kinda felt relieved but then I started to cry becaue everyone was being me. Right when I started to cry J looked at me and then walked away. He didn't even say or do anything. Which kinda made me mad because if he does like me then why didn't he say anything or do anything. I absolutely don't get it. And to make it even worse my friend Tyler decided that it would be funny if J asked me out that night even though he already did, just through a text. But thank god J didn't ask me. I think that J got the hint that I didn't like him but for some reason today he acted as if he didn't care if I didn't like him and that he would like me anyways. Which kinda made me mad because I don't want him to like me. My friend Nina also wanted me to hug J today just to see his reaction because apprently everyone thinks he likes m, which he does.

Very long story, lol. But that is about everything that has happened and is going to happen in the next few weeks. lol I can't wait for summer, just to get away from the drama but then again it's going to be sad because I won't see W anymore at school.